Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
