thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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