Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize