Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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