I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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