please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
