Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
