Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize