At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You dont lie about slip and slides
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
