6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
