you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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