May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
