I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
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