my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
The chlamydia really affected his face.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
