sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
