please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
