I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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