guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
