she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool"Â excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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