is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
