were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
please come you make the beer taste better
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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