got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
