Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
