We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
