I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
