I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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