HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You need Xanax blowdarts
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
