Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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