home. puking in laundry basket.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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