I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
