You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
