I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
