I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
