stop calling my apartment porn island.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
