Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
