Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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