I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
