True but thats because hes a fetus.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
