i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
