can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
