We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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