I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Randomize