So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Houston, we have a squirter
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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