why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
