i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
