I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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