Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
