when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
