she woke up with a sticky ear
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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