I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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