I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize