Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
