I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
