Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
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