Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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