I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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