Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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