she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
