i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
