remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
