You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
