I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
