We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
