She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
