I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
