one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
