Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
