Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I want to fling myself into the sun
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize