If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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