Swine flu. Run for my life!
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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