I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I think I am morally bankrupt
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
