I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
