Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Randomize
