I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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