I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
